i am trying

So I've started my Social Studies assignment on writing critical essay about 'Gender and Violence/Abuse' . Hearing and saying 'CRITICAL' ..haaa, makes me having this critical condition to think just like last time doing Additional Maths question. It took an hour for me to write the introduction !!! I've started my intro with quote and definition and then I tried to continue my essay but I couldn't ... I hate myself for being like this. I need to improve myself. But saying this won't change until I push myself to be a better person. I put myself in my mind that I need to change now and be serious about my future. I just can't depend on my sister or friends to help me... Lord, please help me ...